So the in-laws went on a tear today. They informed my husband that I was taking advantage of him, that I was rude, that he was deluding himself about me. All this apparently boiled down to a visit two and a half years ago. I didn't rave about how beautiful their house was when I arrived. I "blew off" their adult daughter when she tried to either shake my hand or talk to me (they don't seem to be sure which it was). I left their house for an early morning walk and set the alarm off. And at some point whether at their house or ours (a completely different visit) they got ready to leave and I didn't hug them.
At first I was very upset. I felt that I should apologize for being rude, even though I certainly hadn't meant to be. Then I got mad. Mad because they won't talk to me about any of this. They just tell my husband. He offered to call me so that they could tell me how they feel. They said they were not going to talk to me and I am not allowed in their house. Mad because this all happened years ago.
So here is my side of the story. When I went to visit I was a nervous wreck. My husband and I had just gotten married. This was the first time I wouldn't be with my mom and dad during the holidays. I didn't know what to expect. I don't remember commenting on their house. I probably didn't rave about it. I arrived there late at night after a 7hour flight and a 2 hour drive. I have visited many people over the years. The only time I have ever comment on housing was when visiting my sister after months of phone calls about remodeling plans.
As for "blowing off" their daughter... well I may have inadvertently. You see I have hearing problems. If your not where I can read your lips I don't know your talking to me. If anyone had told me at the time that I had ignored her I would have apologized and explained my difficulties. Also she is an adult. If she has a problem with me she should talk to me!
As for the alarm... I did apologize for that. I had never been in a house that had an alarm system. I didn't know they had one or how it worked.
Then there is the hugging thing. They didn't hug me either! If they had put out their arms asking for a hug I would have hugged them. I seldom hug people. People I don't know well I especially don't hug. Most of the time, unless it's an old friend, a small child, or someone I love, I find hugs uncomfortable. Even with some of the people I love. Heck I don't even hug my grandmother unless she initiates it (mostly because she isn't fond of hugging either!). So maybe that was rude. Maybe I am simply not familiar with their cultural niceties. Maybe they are overly sensitive.
In the end, I still would have apologized if they had just come to me. Now I'm not so sure. Now I am thinking I might be spoiling for a fight!
