I have always believed that religion is something that is for yourself and not something to impose on others. I don't even like to talk about my religion unless I am sure that the person I am speaking with is open and non-judgmental. My experience is that every religion has people who are judgmental and that is what leads me to hesitate. I am pagan. Other than that I find it hard to explain. Pagans are such an eclectic bunch that saying I am pagan can mean so many different things.
When I was younger I was more trusting, but not a lot more. I knew a guy once that said he was pagan so I told him I was too. I talked to him about my upbringing in the Christian church, how I still attend on occasion to please my mother, and how I never felt that it was something I could be devoted to. I told him a bit about my ideas about paganism. He told me I was Christian. He said I should "Quit pretending to be Pagan, just because you think it sounds cool." I was hurt by this and that is probably one of the reasons I find it so hard to talk about what I believe.
I am trying to relax a little about how other people react. I have a Catholic friend that I have talked to a bit about being pagan. She was respectful and interested, without trying either to convert me to her way of thinking or acting like she wanted to be involved in my religion. That was nice.
I have wondered if I should have talked more to my daughter about my believes. Her father will tell you he is pagan, but he is very solitary and not very interested in group or family religion. Her step-mom, when she was little, tried to start some family pagan religious activities, but with the lack of interest from her father stopped. Since her step-mom was not pagan before marrying, I have wondered if she didn't just jump into it for the sake of having one religion to raise her family in, with pagan being the only one my ex would accept. I am not saying that would make her "less pagan" or that it is a bad reason for picking a religion. The reason I wonder if I should have said more to my daughter is that the other day I said something about being pagan and she said, "Really? I thought you were an atheist."
What stopped me from involving my daughter more in my believes? I really didn't want her to feel she had to believe what I believe. My mother really pressured us, still does, to be Christian and to attend church. Growing up we went to church a minimum of 6 hours a week. I saw a lot of hypocrisy going on. There was a lot of "we are better than everyone else because we go to church." There was a lot of attitude that "my wrongdoings in my daily life don't matter because I go to church." I know that not all Christians or all churches are like this. I know that there are some very wonderful ones. This is just one of the factors that lead me to choose another believe path. I want my daughter to choose her own path, but should I have told her more about mine?
