What makes a friend

My daughter said to me the other day that I don't have any friends.  I told her of course I do and ran through a list of people I consider to be dear friends.  My daughter said yeah, but not real friends, not here in town.
So what makes a friend?  Isn't it the person that for years has listened to all the highlights and low points of your life?  Isn't it the person that has known you so long and so well?  Does distance really matter?
My daughter's point seemed to be that I don't have people to go hang out with, see a movie with, or have lunch with. 
I have a difficult time making new friends.  I am scared to show who I really am.  I am afraid of other people's judgement.  I am lazy about putting in the work that it takes to let someone new in.  I really like staying at home, alone or with my husband or daughter, and doing what I want. 
Yet sometimes I am lonely.  I don't like talking on the phone.  I can seldom afford to go visiting.  I wish I had a friend that I could see anytime I wanted.  Someone I could spend the day with.
I am scared too because the last several "new best friends" I have had have been a problem.  There was the girl who borrowed several expensive books and then I never saw her again.  There was the girl that turned out to be emotionally unstable to the point of abusing others. 
Then there was the "old best friend."  A girl I had known since junior high.  A girl who wanted more from me than I was capable of giving.  She did a lot of nice things for me.  Gave me a place to live when my other choices meant moving in with family.  At first I was grateful... how long should gratitude last?  We lived together for five years.  During which all the bills were in her name.  I paid my half to her.  The electricity and our cell phones were randomly shut off repeatedly because she "forgot to pay the bill." One day I came home to find court papers taped to our door.  She was very behind on the rent.  She told me not to worry that she would take care of it.  She did.  Then one day she told me it was getting to be too much for her.  She was going to move back in with her parents in May and I would need to find a new place to live.  I was sad, but sort of relieved.  She was being honest and I would have control over my life.  A month went by, I went and talked to the apartment managers about possibly getting a studio.  They told me that I couldn't until she gave them notice in writing that she was leaving and I was able to rent on my own. That night I talked to her about it.  She told me that she had changed her mind, that moving in with her parents would mean giving up her cat and she didn't want to do that.  I was happy, but skeptical that she would be okay financially.  About a year or so later I came home to court papers on the door again.  Once again she told me she would take care of it.  This time I knew when she had court.  I text and called her that day, the next, and the next trying to find out what happened.  She knew on a Tuesday.  She waited till Thursday evening to tell me we had until Sunday night to get out.  She was worried that I would be mad.  I tried not to be.  I asked if she could still handle the phone bill or if I should switch it to my boyfriend's plan.  She swore she could handle it.  For a few months I tried to still be, albeit at a bit of a distance, friends.  However, she couldn't keep up with the phone bill.  I didn't fight, I just switched my phone and stopped communicating with her.  Five years have gone by.  I never ran in to her anywhere.  Now I am getting ready to move.  Far away where I don't have to think about running into her.  I ran into her and her mom at the mall.  It was awkward.  We both acted like people who had maybe had a class together in high school and had never seen each other since.  Very odd. 
All that made me wonder, how can I have been so close to someone and then been so unable to talk at all?  Am I just incapable of really making friends?  Do I just use people when they are convenient?  Or is it that I just know when to cut my losses?